Am I suppose to hate you?

Something in me wants to be upset with you.
I’m not used to this…
I’m not used to losing my mind.
I want to hate you!
You hurt me!
You made me open up to you!
You abandoned me when I needed you!
If only you could see things the way I see them.
If only you would stop being so stubborn, guarded, and dismissive.
Why wont you just talk to me?
Why do you shut down?
Why wont you heal?
Why are you so angry?
Why wont you forgive anyone?
Why do you take everything so personally?
Why wont you change?
I need you to make me happy.
I need you to make me comfortable.
I need you to heal and be perfect, is that too much to ask?
But wait…

you are who you are, separate from me.
You are who I need you to be at this moment.
I cannot hate you, even if I wanted to.
You see, my soul has called you here.
To make me uncomfortable.
To bring up all of my triggers.
To be firm with me.
To be your stubborn self.
To give me pain.
To give me pure pleasure.
To give me ecstasy.
To take my breath away.
To make time stand still.
To love me the best you know how.
To have that amazing smile when you see me, that spark in your eyes, and that vein that comes across your forehead when you are happy.
To make me feel safe in your arms.
To have your guard and walls completely come down when you see me.
To fill my heart completely with unconditional love.
To inspire me to be better.
To give me happiness.
To help me grow.
To help me evolve.
To push me away from you, back to me.
To break me, so that I could discover that I am unbreakable.
I love you…
I love you with all that I am, for the opportunity you gave me to discover who I am.
Thank you.